You can. You will.

I had a full time job teaching toddlers, in school full time, a wife and a mommy of 2. 
The picture in this post shows you a 3 year old sleeping alongside a photograph. The photograph contains myself and Mason. This chapter of college had me in class late 2 nights a week - after my children were fast asleep.

 

Don’t ever limit yourself or think you can’t. I couldn’t have made it happen without the love and support from my loved ones. No ones path is the same. It doesn't have the same forks, rocks or bumps. Those forks, rocks or bumps may fall at different times and in a different order. But none the same, they are there to make you work harder - to make you shift, change and adapt to your surroundings. Your focus needs to be sharp and your perception needs to be singular - on your own path.

There were times I wondered if I was crazy.

There were times I wondered if I bit off too much.

There were times where I tripped and stumbled.

There were times where they reminded me it was worth it.

There were times where I pushed through and made it happen.

There were times when I picked myself back up and kept going. 

Whatever it is in life. Whatever path you take. 

You can.

You will.

Love like a child

Without judgement or fear, love thy neighbor as thyself. The world would be a better place if we loved as children do.


 

I love this for so many reasons. Our children are tainted by terms from all types of people from different sides of the table. I just recently spoke with my son about how people are afraid if what they don't understand. Don't allow fear to dictate how you see others, for everyone has their battles their are trying to overcome.

I then noticed when he was explaining someone's appearance at school, he simply explained to me the color of the hair, something we all have but vary in color. It also reminded me of a story from when he was in Kindergarten. You see, he is color blind. He prefers to be called color "challenged". The aide in his kindergarten class knew of this challenge and would offer him support when it came to the color by numbers activities. She was from Jamaica and had darker skin than him. She wanted to see what he would say about her skin being that he sees color differently.

She asked "what color do you see when you see my skin?"

He looked at her with a puzzled look after she placed her arm next to his.

"It's just like mine, skin."

Like hair, we all have skin. It may vary in color but it does not determine who we are.

Potty Training- When to take the plunge

Is it time to take the plunge into potty training?

You think “Mason is 2 and you were fully potty trained at by that age”

OR

Your child's school will require him to be fully potty trained in order to move into preschool.

The fact is, no matter where the pressure is coming from, it really boils down to whether your child is ready… question is… how will you know?

Let's start by saying that age is only a number when it comes to this milestone. Although its best to take into consideration that these signs may develop as early as 18 months old and as late as 3½ years. Once you take the dive into the developmental milestone, don’t look back. Before you go all in, look for these signs to know when your child is truly ready for this next step.

First and foremost, the frequency of their wet diapers. Is your child’s diaper dry for an extended period in time? If they are dry for more than 3 hours and they have been thoroughly hydrating, this is a great sign.

Second, can they effectively pull up and down their bottoms without much assistance? This is just as important as the act because this is an independent act.  

Third, are they interested in the bathroom when you or your spouse are using it? Not because they want your attention but they are wanting to know what your doing and why? By showing interest and talking with them about it, it will lessen that chances of them being terrified of the loud sound from the toilet flushing or balancing on the toilet themselves.

Lastly, can they communicate with you that they have soiled their diaper or are about to go in it? Communication isn’t limited to words, which is nice, but more so key visual cues for you to change them.

With all of these in line, you should take the leap into the world of potty training. But what's next?

Underwear, Comando, Pull-ups? Where do you begin?

I firmly believe that Pull-ups are an adults excuse to not have to “deal” with the mess of potty training. Believe it or not, Pull-ups can cause a barrage of mixed signals and wet clothes. Pull-ups absorb less than a regular diaper. They also feel like a diaper, so why not pee in them when you don’t want to walk about from your favorite toy or mickey mouse clubhouse?

Underwear is certainly the way to go. It comes in many forms. Two of which I have seen work effectively. You have your old fashioned toilet training underwear which has a thick middle cushion that helps absorb some urine if they happen to have an accident. The plus side is that your child will still get that sensation of the “accident”. If your child is truly ready to potty train, they will not like this. You can get these below at Walmart.com for less than 7 bucks!

 

Then you have regular underwear with princesses and superhero's. This has an added advantage. You can make it exciting and fun to pick these new accessories out. By allowing your child help make these decisions for themselves to be like a “big kid”, they will then take ownership of their underwear. This makes them more aware of when they need to go. Just like when you get a new pair of shoes and you avoid puddles and dirt. They will avoid soiling their underwear to preserve the “princesses” and “hero's”. These below are an example of the regular undies that you can try at $11 for 7.

 
 
 
 

It takes patience and consistency, otherwise you will be in a mess of things. Take that literally. Have confidence in your toddler and work with them. Never shame them with an accident. It happens. Build them up and encourage them to try to let the rest out on the toilet.

Do not teeter totter when you take the plunge. You have to be all in. Show your confidence and this will make your child just as confident about this process. If you get anything out of this article, know that when you put a diaper on a potty training child, it sends all sorts of signals that it is not as important as you have made it to be if you are okay with changing another dirty diaper. Don't do it no matter how frustrated you are.

Remember to stay calm, positive and encouraging. Never shame or demean your child during this challenging learning opportunity.

Things to incorporate:
Toilet Chairs
Stools
Potty Charts
Treats
Words of Encouragement
One on One time during the toileting process

For more tips on potty training please visit parents.com!

 

Those Kids - Our Role

"Ever since first grade, he'd been coming to school anxious, defensive, and braced for the next confrontation with a classmate or teacher."

"And are we treating chronically misbehaving children as though they don't want to behave, when in many cases they simply can't?"

These two really stuck out to me. I have time and time again thought about how we can teach children how to control their impulses. 

Now, I work with young children and this article discusses elementary age. But it begins with us, in the preschool setting. 

Being an Educational Specialist in a preschool, a lot of my time is spent problem solving and redirecting those kids. It doesn't stop there at our school. I then must be an example for the teachers by keeping my cool and showing teachers how to calm an angry or mischievous preschooler. 

It's so easy for teachers to ask for a break from the child who is sucking all of the attention from the other children. Initially, I am able to step in and focus on this child while the teacher continues with their lesson. By mentoring and guiding the child, I get to show the teachers tools for times like these. There must be a shift at some point for the teachers to learn the cues and triggers that set the child off. They also must check their emotions and be aware of ways that their response may be hurting instead of helping. 

We have their development on our side. They have yet to develop these skills to regulate their feelings. This is where the article below comes into play. We must not allow the child to come into the classroom and feel like it's going to be another day of consequences, another day of threats or another day of an exasperated teacher who just needs a vacation. We are the driving force for these preschoolers social emotional development. It doesn't stop when they leave the classroom either. We must partner with the parents and let them know what's going on in the classroom so we can mold the children as they develop and figure out the ways of the world. 

Below is the link about a whole new look at those kids and being the change in their world to set them up for emotional success. 

http://www.filmsforaction.org/articles/what-if-everything-you-knew-about-disciplining-kids-was-wrong/

-thelloydmom

What kind of responder are you?

Responding Habits – good habits – bad habits?

Author Gretchen Rubin describes her latest literature that focuses on how you create habits and you, as an individual, respond to rules of living.

 

Here are her four type of responder’s to rules (whether external rules or internal rules). Where do you fit in the most?

·         Upholder – Responds readily to both inner and outer rules.

Need to know what is expected – need to know guidelines and expectations – strong sense of obligation to their own rules

·         Questioners – question all rules – if they agree they will conform and follow the rules.

-          Both Upholders and Rebels – depends on how they feel about the Rules.

Motivated by sound reason – it must make sense but will not follow rules that have no grounds – typically intellectually engaged. NEED for information

·         Rebel – Resists all rules – do what they want to do no matter the situation. Typically lead a satisfying life – not necessarily a productive or successful one.

·         Obligors – Respond readily with outer rules but have a hard time rules for themselves.

Often are the ones to jump on tasks to help others but often forget to take care of themselves – high rate of burn out.

I quickly thought I was an Upholder. My sister can tell you that there are certain rules I will not, absolutely will not, break. Things in regards to safety are pretty high on my rules that can be questioned (once!) but will ALWAYS hold weight when proven necessary.

After digging deeper into how I really work – I see clearly that I am a Questioner – why? Because when I come across a task – duty so to say – I will briefly question it if I have yet to understand the importance of it. When it has been decided, or has already been shown the need, I will do it and always with the best of my ability.  Let me give you an example. In education, often times there are rigid expectations and guidelines that need to be followed. Knowing that everyone is different and learns a different way, I have a hard time with people being put into these standardized boxes. If you can remember a video I shared a while ago about the education system and its flaws, you can see why I feel the way I do about setting generic parameters in education.  

Grasping that I am a questioner brings light as to why I work so well with children. They ask “why?” they want to know why. Even when they ask again, they are trying to grasp the importance of your explanation and how it pertains to their here and now. Since I have come to terms with being a questioner, it has provided me with the relief of certain frustrations that come from not understanding and frankly “rebelling” against rules that just create boundaries that are unnecessary; Boundaries that inhibit growth because the lines are black and white.  

Photo: http://thedailyquipple.com/tag/happiness-quotes/

My next question for myself is why is it so hard for me not to jump in head first and full speed when I love what I do? When you but your head against someone who is not “in it” like you are, it can be disheartening. I am back in a spot that was challenging for me previously, 3 weeks later and nothing has changed. I did not expect anything less, hence no disappoint there. To tough it through is something that I need to do. I accepted the open position for the high chance of being moved to another department. In a department that would be somewhat foreign to me. I am pushing for this new endeavor in hopes that I can grow and learn as professional. Knowing that my ultimate goal is still decades away. Reserving my passionate, eager and self-motivated self at bay has been one of the hardest things I have faced professionally in a long time!

Here’s the deal – I love kids, I love education, I love family relationships being the facilitator of these. I have a passion for these things. Several articles have really provided insight on my ideas of a career. I want to make a difference. The questioner in me is always asking “are you where you need to be?” and pushing myself to make a mark no matter what umbrella I stand under.

What type of responder are you? Can you understand some of the obstacles you face in your work place or classroom? How can you go about changing these challenges and make them better fit for your responsive behaviors?

 

 

Ashley

thelloydmom

 

Confessions of a 7 year old boy

Our oldest son came to us tonight, after heading to bed of course, and confessed. Confessed something that must have been weighing on him so much to push him to come clean. We were completely unaware that anything had been going on but nonetheless, he began his confession with "you guys can ground me for a long time if you want to". 

He sat on the couch with his baby/grown up face looking from the ground to our eyes. He did his best to hold back the tears as his chin quivered. 

After taking a deep breath, he told us that two of his friends in class, along with himself, were saying bad words behind the teachers back at school. I asked him what words they were saying but all he could say was "I should say sorry" 

At the parent teacher conference his teacher had warned Mason of making sure he didn't not follow the poor behavior from some other classmates he got along with. You see, he is very charismatic, kind and caring. This can attract those who are missing these things on other areas of their life. 

Part of me wanted to scold him for following them when he knew what they were doing was wrong but I sat stoic while Dad stepped in. My husband told him that he is very proud of him being so brave to tell us something knowing that there was a chance he could be punished. He said that as he gets older he may see other people doing things they are not supposed to and Mason should be sure to let us know if he, or anyone else, was in danger or were doing hurtful things. 

Mason just sat and took it all in. Breathing deeply, working on swallowing his fear of punishment. 

Instead of punishing him, we thanked him for doing the right thing. Confessing on something we had no idea was going on. 

Not only am I beyond proud of Mason, but I am so grateful that my husband was able to quell my "attack" mode and used it as a stepping stone for creating a virtuous man out of our boy. 

How would have handled this confession? Would you had to bite your tongue like me? I'm glad I don't jump verbally because this, I can only assume, was a turning point for Mason and he will now know that as long as he is honest and does not continue with the confessed behavior he will be better off. 

Ash

Thelloydmom 

Why moms make the best (and worst) friends you'll ever have.

So, it's no secret I had my babies young. 

This began to process of friends coming and going. Friends disappearing, making excuses and flat out falling off the face of the earth. In the moment, I was totally bummed, I mean a BFF is supposed to be, well, forever. This fallacy is sweet when in it, forever until your life changes. As an adult you come to realize otherwise. You go through phases of anger, resentment and irritability with those forever friends. These fade if you allow them too. You learn to forgive and move past who you had as friends. 

You see, I learned that everyone has their own issues to deal with and it makes my world more difficult if I harbor those feelings. I had to take a mental break from those who I held most dear (and don't get me wrong, they still have a special place in my heart) and live life in the now. Be grateful for those who are here for me now. Most importantly, cherish memories made with those in your past. 

This brings me to all of my friends who are moms. We all know what life is like with a husband (or not) and kids. These beings are and always will be the most important people in your life. Their needs always supersede those who don't live under your roof. There are no ifs ands or buts about it. I sometimes catch myself in pre-mom brain feeling sad by the unreturned text or unreciprocated invites. I  to pull back and say "She's a mom, right now she is probably fixing food, cleaning a mess, taking a well deserved shower, or better yet watching her favorite tv show without interruption!" I cannot be harsh on my mom friends. Why? Because I do it too! I glance at your text thinking about my response... Then I don't text you for three days. This normally ends with "oh my gosh, I'm the worst!" Mom friends get it, others may roll their eyes. Either way, I'm sorry! 

A really good friend of mine (a mom friend;) ) said that the worst part of having friends who are moms can be the unsolicited advice and judgements that are made. Moms, do yourself a favor, give her some slack, all moms walk a different path in motherhood. What works for you, most likely, won't work as well for her. Leave the advice for when she needs it and send her love and encouragement always. In the end, your children are watching how cynical you are about your peers. Do you want them to grow up thinking that judging, discouraging and minimilizing "friends" is how to nurture a friendship? I think not.

And to those who are not my mom friends, know that this does not demean our friendships by any means. Why? Because you stick with me even through my missed girls nights and 3-day later replies! For that, I thank you.

thelloydmom